


The Other Side

by armlessphelan



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 17:45:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12347535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armlessphelan/pseuds/armlessphelan
Summary: Breaking up with a survivor of abuse is a hard thing to do.





	The Other Side

"You don't get to be hurt." The words were as cold and jagged as the wind that roars outside. He watches the hail pound against the window so he doesn't have to look at the person speaking to him. He focuses on the sound of the the ice pinging off the glass so he doesn't have to focus on the truth being hurled in his direction.

It doesn't work.

"You broke me. You were the stray that broke the camel's back. I was strong for so long. I had only myself and I was okay with that. I had given up and was just existing and it was okay because I knew it would never get better. I was comfortably numb and then you came into my life. You taught me that I could be happy, that I fucking deserved it, and it was all lies. You promised me the world, and you couldn't even give me your heart. Fuck you."

"What do you want me to say?!" he roars back, tearing his eyes away from the window and to the other man in the room. He had... he had tried to make it work. He had tried so hard to be what the man needed, but it wasn't enough. He could never be enough. "Am I supposed to apologize for giving you hope? Am I supposed to take back all the times I made you smile? Am I supposed to be the villain just because a bunch of assholes who came into your life before me treated you like shit? Will hating me make you feel better?"

"You don't get it. I don't hate you," the other man sobs. He sinks to the floor and slams a fist against the wall. "I don't want to hate you. I can't hate you. You are the one who gave me hope. You did try. You did. It isn't your fault you failed. It isn't your fault that I'm so fucked up I don't know how to function on a day-to-day basis. But I do blame you for abandoning me.

"I needed you. I fought for so long on my own, and you took that away from me. You made me need you. You taught me how to feel again. And then you left. You took away my ability to not feel anything and I don't know how to get back there. I don't want to hate you. I just want to not care anymore. But you stole that from me."

"Hate me. It's a feeling. Feelings are good. They're what make us human. HATE ME!" The other man flinches at the sound of his raised voice, making him feel worse than before. "You're right. I found you in a hole. You were in a pit that was so deep and dark that you hadn't seen sunlight in years. And I'm sorry I broke your heart, but going back there won't help anything. You need to hate me. You need to be human. Can you do that? Can you still be a person? Please?"

His voice cracks.

"What did being a person ever get me? I had things before you. I had a job. I hated it, but I had it. I had a family. They fucked me up beyond repair, but they were there. I had a house. It wasn't a home, it was a place where I slept alone night after night, but it was mine. I was fine without you and then I gave it all up because you made me think you cared about me. And you don't. Just like everyone else. Now what do I have? WHAT DO I HAVE?"

There is no answer. Nothing he says would lead to anything but a repudiation. So he stays quiet. He hangs his head and stares at a sofa leg.

"That's right. I have nothing. The house is yours. The car is yours. The bed is yours. It's all yours, because we both know it was never ours. Not really. I wasn't your partner. I was your possession."

"That's not fair," he challenges, looking up at the man's face. "You think I saw you as a possession? You think I didn't try building a life with you? You think all those nights I held you as you cried yourself to sleep were just an owner caring for an investment? I loved you. I still love you! I just can't do it anymore. I'm only human. I can't save you or fix you. You have to do that. And if I'm there to catch you, you'll never stand on your own."

"Stop acting like you're doing this for my own good." The other man stands, his dark hair obscuring his face until he brushes it away. There's no fire behind his eyes. There's just an emptiness that sucks the heat from the room. "You took on a pet project and when you couldn't mold it just right you threw it into the garbage. That's all I ever was to you. Yeah, I laughed at the jokes, but that doesn't mean you didn't believe them. There is no fixing me. I knew that for years, and now you're realizing it, too. And rather than admit it, rather than call me a lost cause, you walk away."

"What am I supposed to do? Stay with someone who can't be happy? Who won't be happy? Am I supposed to give up my life taking care of someone who runs away and sabotages any and every chance he gets to improve his lot in life? I'm not some fucking saint. I'm human and I'm tired. I've tried. I really have. I'm done."

"Then why are you here?"

"I suppose..." he stops and considers what it is he wants from the confrontation. "I'm here to tell you goodbye."


End file.
